GUEST POST: Cultivating Healthy Relationships for Better Mental Health

By Dr. Brooke Keels, LPC-MHSP, LPC-Supervisor, and Chief Clinical Officer at Lighthouse Recovery

Relationships flourish or falter and our mental health is on the passenger seat of this journey. The connection between our relationships and our psychological health is direct and powerful, affecting everything from stress hormones to immune function to overall life satisfaction.

The Impact of Relationships on Mental Well-being

Psychological benefits of healthy relationships extend far beyond momentary happiness. Maintaining connections built on support and understanding lulls our brain into a state of safety which helps decrease the stress hormones produced during challenging situations, even those that are not related to the relationship. Such a profound physiological response translates to reduced anxiety and greater emotional regulation.

Depression rates decrease significantly too among those with strong support networks. The emotional validation from meaningful relationships counteracts the distorted thinking patterns that fuel depressive episodes. Additionally, having people who depend on us and whom we care for provides a sense of purpose that bolsters psychological resilience during difficult times.

Finnish longitudinal studies confirm these observations quantitatively. Individuals in supportive relationships demonstrate better psychological outcomes across multiple measures compared to those in unhealthy relationships or those who are isolated.

The Mind During Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships damage our mental health through gradual accumulation of bad experiences. After enduring years of abusive behaviour from a partner, it becomes harder to identify problematic dynamics because unhealthy behaviours are now recognized as normal by our psyche.

Constant criticism represents one of the most psychologically damaging abusive acts by a partner. Our brains process criticism as a threat which in turn triggers defensive responses that inhibit communication and intimacy through genuine connection. Persistent criticism erodes self-esteem over time and can contribute to anxiety disorders.

Controlling behaviors on the part of the abusive partner can stem from deep insecurity. Limiting autonomy and isolating you from others creates the perfect condition that fosters psychological dependence - that’s what the abuser wants. The resulting isolation removes external perspectives that might otherwise challenge the unhealthy dynamic.

And then we have the most infamous of all - gaslighting. This abusive act damages the psychological foundation of reality testing and the abused partner’s reality now all of a sudden doesn’t make sense, which contributes to the level of blindness they have over their own circumstances. Someone consistently contradicting your perception or memories will have you doubting your cognitive abilities. The undermining of self-trust that gaslighting creates amplifies vulnerability to further manipulation.

Building and Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Psychological awareness and intentional behaviour are the foundations of a healthy and thriving love life. Mutual respect for autonomy and boundaries is the direct manifestation of a healthy dynamic between partners. Someone who understands the need for both partnership and individuality is already exhibiting a healthy mindset towards love.

Neuroscience illuminates why clear boundaries strengthen relationships rather than weaken them. Feeling secure and loved despite our desire for autonomy relaxes the brain's threat-detection system which opens us up for greater vulnerability toward our partner.

Trust develops naturally over time through actions that align with words. Meeting the requirement of consistency creates psychological safety as well as allows both parties to express needs and concerns without the fear of rejection. The resulting security forms the basis for intimacy under a safe environment.

Our brains are designed to protect us and for those who already went through so much, the negativity bias might get in the way of actually forming healthy relationships. Regular expressions of reassurances and appreciation can help combat the negative thought patterns. Regularly acknowledging positive attributes or actions in others strengthens neural pathways associated with relationship satisfaction and reinforces constructive behaviour patterns.

Effective Communication in Relationships

Communication is the magic pill that serves as both cause and cure for relationship distress. Psychological patterns that undermine communication like avoidant tendencies often form in childhood and operate largely outside conscious awareness.

"I" statements reduce defensive responses by focusing on personal experience rather than accusation. The “I” approach acknowledges that perceptions are subjective and also validates emotional experiences from a more empathetic standpoint.

Reflective listening engages the prefrontal cortex, the brain region responsible for perspective-taking and empathy. Paraphrasing what we've heard demonstrates engagement and creates opportunities to correct misunderstandings before they escalate. Nonverbal cues are also very important when communicating with a loved one. How a person reacts can often reveal psychological states more accurately than words. Other nonverbal cues to observe are facial expressions and body language, which may provide valuable information about emotional responses that contradict verbal content. Attunement to these signals strengthens emotional intelligence and allows a partner to discern if their loved one is masking pain.

Creating a Supportive Network

Different relationships fulfil different psychological needs and going into a relationship hoping that one person can fulfil everything is not only naive but could contribute to resentments down the line. Romantic partners provide intimacy and security while friends offer perspective and shared interests. Our families are important too since they contribute to identity and a greater sense of belonging. We also have professional connections to factor in, which should provide growth and challenge that are based on our abilities and not our emotions.

The diversity of our relationships and how we maintain each one matters psychologically. Relying exclusively on one relationship for all emotional needs creates unhealthy pressure, as well as guaranteed dissatisfaction. Having a varied support network provides resilience against loss and change, and how we maintain these relationships also speaks volume about our capacity to care and love.

Overcoming Challenges in Relationships

Conflict itself doesn't predict relationship failure, in fact it’s a natural part of relationships in general. It’s how we address conflict that determines whether relationships grow stronger or deteriorate.

Expectation misalignment between two parties can create frustration and disappointment. Explicitly discussing expectations requires vulnerability - something that is only possible in a safe relationship environment. Malice festers deep within when unspoken expectations go unmet, which creates a cycle of unmet needs because of unclear expectations.

Major life transitions are another big challenge in relationships. Have you heard that husbands’ infidelity increases while their partners are pregnant or while the kids are very young? This can be attributed to the disruption of established patterns due to the pregnancy and the new responsibilities of parenthood. Without the psychological flexibility to weather through life’s storms and the necessary increase in communication, the result could be the failure to adapt the relationship to current life circumstances. A major disconnect between couples soon follows after.

Professional support in the form of seeking help from mental health experts becomes essential when psychological patterns prove resistant to change despite awareness and effort. Couples therapy can help address both relationship dynamics and individual psychological factors that maintain problematic patterns.

Final Thoughts

Relationships profoundly influence mental health but relationship skills can be developed with intention and practice. Understanding the psychological underpinnings of relationship dynamics and how you as an individual react to certain triggers can help in the formation of healthy habits that can sustain a loving and healthy relationship.